Updated: May 26
Ok, we have had quite a bit of discussion about the life scenarios that make up a people pleasers routine, you know, those activities that often push your agenda aside to make room for another person’s request, need, or even idea. We have also talked some about how this can affect your personal identity, leaving you defined by what you do or through your acquired role/title.
But there are some other things we need to discuss, starting with an exploration into the attitudes and behaviors this instigates and then being dedicated to identifying how you truly feel. This is where you can shed some light over the shifts that will make that longed-for difference in how your days run and your mind flows.
I’m not going to beat around the bush today. I just want to give you the steps to follow to set this actionable topic into motion.
1. Ask yourself this; What attitudes do I see myself adopting during my day? This is an important self-observation that I recommend you keep track of (make a personal log) for a significant timeframe, no less than a week, a month is better.
2. Next, keep your ears open for this one; What attitudes do others say I take on? This one takes being honest with yourself and the willpower to let go of your urge to blame, deflect, or even disregard. You have to “hear” what the people in your sphere are seeing. So if someone asks you “what’s wrong”, “are you OK”, “why are you yelling at me”, “why are you so mad”, “why are you so sad”, and so on, you have to be willing to seek the true and full answer. And I guarantee it’s not the first thing that jumps to your mind!
These steps will ultimately uncover behaviors! But you have to open your eyes to see what’s really happening!
3. Now you need to ask; What behavior do I see myself doing with each attitude? You’ll want to notice overlaps here because sometimes a behavior accompanies several attitudes and sometimes one attitude will insight a handful of behaviors!
4. This one is a biggie, you will need to dig deep here, ask; How do I feel about my behavior? This is asking yourself to evaluate if you see your actions as appropriate, do they match how you want to see yourself. Which means you need to look at things like; do you often feel regret or embarrassment, maybe you feel less than, undervalued, and unheard, even if you don’t say it out loud? Do you frequently wish you handled whatever it was different? Do you go through alternatives in your mind that you would prefer, those softer, kinder, or perhaps even more assertive behaviors!
What happens next is up to you! But what I recommend is this;
5. For each of the four steps above take the personal data and make a genuine list of alternative attitudes and behaviors. You know, the ones that you feel would be more in the image you want to experience, feel, see, and have seen by others.
Following these steps will shine a light on the pathway to learning how you aspire to experience your days. Identifying how to make the shifts and condition them as your lasting approach can be more complex. I will write about that soon. In the meantime, I am more than happy to guide you.