Updated: Feb 18
We all need to create the capacity to endure this hardship. You’re going to have to indulge in beliefs or practices that are different or even conflicting with your own. And that’s going to require stamina in areas we haven’t developed! You will have to find the willingness to adapt!
What I am suggesting here isn’t rocket science, it is simply the definition of the word tolerance!
I get it, I do, it is frustrating, scary, mundane, lonely, challenging, isolating, I could go on. So, you see I do get it. I am having to make shifts and adjustments to make this change, this unknown, well, comfortable. It is our new normal and it does not have an expiration date just yet.
So, my approach is going to be to focus on how I can make this a positive. I am implementing new ways of experiencing my days so that when the world changes again I have a more tolerant approach to things unknown. I am creating adaptability and resilience (focus topics for after we have tolerance down).
Because the most prevalent “feeling” I am hearing is one form or another of frustration, I’m going to start with 8 tips to increase your frustration tolerance! Sounds fitting, right?
Increase your locus of control: this is a primary contributor to frustration because the perception is that there is a lack of personal control around an outcome. (this is a very surface outline of this skill, it can be difficult to decipher, reach out for assistance, I’ll be happy to help)
True? Yes and No. Yes, we do not have control over shelter at home ordinance’s and we do not have control over the existence of this pandemic. But No, we do not need to give up our power to control our own outcome. It is completely up to us to create our own health safety. It is completely up to us to decide how we will process the situation on an emotional level. And it is our responsibility to be responsible with our resources. (ie main priority is getting your basic needs met).
So, what do you do? Simple, focus on moving your locus of control from an external (outside of you) position, that, why is this happening tome, into and internal (inside of you) position, that,Iam going todoright and befinementality. It sounds like this; what part of this is for me (focusing on the safety and welfare of my homestead and those in my community), what part is for another (the CDC, the medical professionals, the government, other people).
Own your choices: every moment of every day is made up of choices. You choose to think, feel, act however you do. It is completely up to you to choose the way that feels right, most comfortable, even tolerant! Just as it is a choice to feel frustrated, angry, lacking control or motivation.
To condition the positive choices as the primary set of action you must acknowledge yourself for doing so. If you make right choices over negative choices and don’t at least have a conversation with yourself, you will never truly understand why you do or feel what you do.
This looks like or sounds like; I am going to choose a can-do attitude versus a helpless can’t do attitude. Instead of being angry or fearful for being put on leave I am going to see this as an opportunity to provide my capabilities in an area that will contribute positively to the situation while allowing me to meet the basic needs of my family. There are assistance programs available to me, I am going to be ok. (I know, I picked a very sensitive and difficult example, but it’s a very real one right now.)
Creategoals and aspirations: if you get up every day and don’t have any structure, or something to set your sights on you are setting yourself up for frustration and poor internal dialogue. Creating effective action plans is the easiest way to generate a motivated and positive mindset.
First know what your goals and aspirations are. Plan all accomplishments, consider everything involved, prioritize tasks that need completing, break down “due” dates, outline experiences or growth opportunities, don’t forget bucket list items and personal development.
Once each goal and aspiration effectively have all objectives and desired accomplish by dates you can start to structure your days, weeks, and months. Practicing this will have you effortlessly moving in and out of tasks, duties, and aspirations without future tripping about how you will ever accomplish what ever it is. Why? Because you have a plan!
Get decisive: I’ll keep this one brief. Quit being wishy washy. Making right decisions takes practice. Let’s start now!
Always go through pros and cons. Always be inquisitive. Obtain as much clarification as necessary. Be sure you can validate your decision!
If you are uncertain how to use the power of inquiry, you don’t know what it looks like to reach a place of complete clarity, or you have never experienced feeling fully validated, you will want to learn how! (shoot me a message… I’ll get you on the right track)
Shift your thinking:Going back to choices… if your internal dialogue is filled with a boat load of fear based statements or pressure filled commands you want to take a look at how you can soften this approach and become more effective in your thought processes.
This is a tough one. If it sounds like “I am going to lose my home, I can’t feed my kids, I can’t get my medication” we have to shift away from the absoluteness of these statements and move them toward seeking and determined statements like “I am not going to lose my home I will make an effective plan with my landlord to get caught up as soon as this world issue normalizes.”
Remember, should statements generate pressure and frustration in times where we have little control over the situation. The imperative stance to take is having the preference to see where you have control and choose to shift your thinking toward what you can do or can seek.
Considerhow things could be worse:This pretty much says it all. It’s not comfortable. But if we hope to develop tolerance, we must look at the frustrating and scary things. Now in this blog I am talking on a very “one person” plain, I am not referring to anything broader than that.
So, how could it be worse for you? Are your basic needs being met? Do you have shelter, water, food? Are you symptom free? Do you have all of your medication? Are you able to follow the general precautions? Are your surroundings clean?
I could go on with section a. above, but I’m sure you got the picture. Because now I want you to see what would be worse. Now ask, what am I doing to prepare for something worse, how am I proactively making efforts to ensure it doesn’t get worse (for me)?
Expose yourself: Strange, yes, but expose yourself to those things that are most frustrating to you in this moment.
Now break it all down. Sit with your frustration. Seek to understand why it frustrates you.
Now use inquiry and clarification to restructure your frustration. How can you see, feel, or experience it in a more appropriate fashion?
Change your perspective: Now that you have gone through the above 7 tactics has your perspective changed at all? If not, why? What more can you do to develop tolerance?
I know that this can sound quite challenging or even unrealistic right now. I am here, reach out, I am more than happy to help you see this ability in the life you live.