Updated: May 26
Are you seemingly frozen in time? Feeling paralyzed in your life and uncertain about how to move on to what is next? Is the subject matter of your reality causing you fear? Or instigating a failure to launch?
How do you know? What are the thoughts inside you?
Perhaps your perception is that you just don’t measure up to others in your circle, or you will be judged poorly by others for your desires and needs, or you will be ridiculed if you fail. Honestly, this list can be endless.
Here’s the first thing you must do if you ever want to move forward, grow, evolve, change, or the like;
· Stop wasting your time caring or worrying about what anyone else thinks of you!
Doesn’t that sound awesome? I mean really, wouldn’t that be absolutely freeing?
We go through our adolescent years receiving input from others telling us what to do, how to be, where to go, and so on. But as we age our perception of this input, or our need for it all together, should change. Our need for others approval and acceptance would dissipate. That is if we are growing and maturing in the right direction and at the correct pace.
Seriously, as adults, the only things you want to be considering about the decisions you make in your life are;
· Is this something I want to have, do, or be?
· Will it move me in the direction I want to go?
· Is this thing I want going to hurt anyone else? (meaning financial damage, or harming their access to basic needs, it’s not upsetting their apple cart because you aren’t as available as you once were, or causing them disappointment)
The bottom line is that you cause your frozenness by caring or considering to much about what other people will think or feel about what you want.
I get it. The fear of being outcast from your circle, shunned by your friends or coworkers, or just let go from someone’s life over a decision you make is a scary thought. But I’m here to tell you that you have the power to be and do anything you want. You just have to manifest it. And to do that you have to be surrounded by the right environment.
Here’s a thought, what if in that disapproval and following your true desires you find another circle, one that is more your style? More accepting of who you really are. Supportive of what you aspire to achieve. You could very well end up being surrounded by people you adore and relate to. Eventually, those people you desperately were trying to appease or gain approval from but were unwilling to stand beside you are nothing more than a distant memory, names you cannot remember, or simply just standbyers watching you flourish.
Listen. Anyone that has accomplished anything they desired at any point in their life had to take risk. They had to be willing to face judgement. They had to endure ridicule. And they even had to experience failure. Think about it. It is truly a lesson as old as time.
Once you decide to step away and allow yourself to shine authentically as the genuine being you are, you will most likely find that you must face all of those things, the judgement, negative opinions, and ridicule. Particularly if what you want to do is so far outside of what the consensus deems as safe, smart, or even sane. This is a fact that has so many highly motivated people running from the auto-pilot lifestyle they originally created for themselves.
It is a risk allowing your true self to be seen. You set yourself up to be picked apart. Your moves and actions are interpreted by people who didn’t get it in the first place.
But here is what you need to remember;
· You are only responsible for what You say or do
· You are not responsible for how other people respond or react to it
The fact is this; everyone has their own perception. And you can only change your own perception. You have no control over the perception of another. How close together people’s perceptions are is a per case subject. This is why some people love a song or hate a song, appreciate animals or prefer to live without them, like the city or get overwhelmed by it, believe in equality or shun the idea, the list is endless but boils down to their internal beliefs and perception of the subject matter. Bottom line, one topic can equal two highly different opinions (and all the other grey areas between).
A great concept to adopt and carry with you at all times is this;
· It is none of your business what others think of you.
· What others think of you has nothing to do with you
· It has everything to do with them
· And it is their choice to decide what they do with it (this goes back to perception, only they can change it, if they so desire)
The challenge for you is to not give your power over to the criticism or get stuck in the need for praise. That’s right, it’s completely acceptable to graciously receive a complement, but what you need to watch out for is a constant need for outside praise, those affirmations from others that what you are doing is good enough, that you are exceptional, you are valued, you are needed.
Why? Because when you do, base your self-worth on what others think of you, you become dependent on a source outside of yourself to define yourself and come to rely on these external sources for validation. You have given your power to be your genuine self away.
When you give your power away you are now chasing something you seriously have zero control over. Something that, well honestly, has the power to change its mind in an instant. That’s right. You know what I’m talking about. That family member, friend, coworker, or peer that suddenly seems upset with you, distant at best. They have become disillusioned by you, they aren’t adoring you openly, perhaps even the opposite. Now, you are taken by surprise, your world is shaken, and you suddenly aren’t sure about who you are, and uncertain of your next move.
Why? Because they aren’t standing beside you praising you and validating your every move. You have become dependent, addicted if you will, to external validation. You are unable to trust your own instincts. You are not true to yourself.
But, when you adopt the stance that all that matters is what is right for you and stay grounded in that without wandering back into the land of external approval you will attain all that you desire, you will be powerful, you will be your own hero.
Everything, I mean everything else, is truly just other people’s perceptions about your reality. And we have already established that this is none of your business.
Ok, so here is what I generally hear next:
“How can I truly not care about what anyone else thinks and be my transparent and genuine self?”
Well, here you go…
· Start with asking yourself why (are you about to say or do something). Are you seeking approval, looking to belittle someone, are you feeling insecure, are your motives vindictive? Or will your action come from a place of strength? Is it a truth for you? Is it in the name of fun or pleasure? Does it feel like a calling? Will others benefit?
· Pay attention to your motivations. This requires complete honesty. When you come from a place of genuineness, authenticity, and integrity you will overcome.
· Always do or be your best. When you don’t or aren’t, you are inviting insecurities which ultimately open the door to seeking outside input. The same goes for believing in what you are doing. If you are only half in, or have doubts, this breeds reliance on other supports to carry you through.
· Bottom line, if you know that what you are doing is the best you can do, is being carried out with the proper motive, and is filled with integrity, you can hold your head up, be proud, and not care what anyone else thinks.
· Be in touch with your intuition and trust it. This means do what you know deep down is best. Don’t take the advice of your overly indulgent neighbor who has done nothing note worthy with their life. There is nothing worse (ok that may be a stretch) than doing something differently than you thought best and saying afterwards “I knew I should have trusted my gut on this”.
· The tip; use your internal guidance. Tell all the outside noise to be quiet. Go to a safe space, a quiet space, and listen to what your instinct is telling you. Your truth, your answers, are inside of you, and only you. Of course, this takes practice. You must learn how to and condition yourself to actually hear what your intuition is telling you.
· Get yourself a mentor! A temporary guide that has been on this journey of self-discovery and evolution. Someone that can relate and speaks a language you can understand. A person you feel inspired by. But make sure you know why they inspire you. Make sure your motives for wanting their guidance are authentic. Make sure they will instill a valuable internal dialog that will help you in times of decision making. This might sound like “what would my mentor say or do in this situation?”
· Be patient and consistent! Learning to live authentically as the person you want to be while no longer caring what others think takes time, it’s developing a muscle, an uncanny strength. In time, you will be only asking yourself, “what would I do” and will no longer need to channel the voice of your mentor.
· Love yourself unconditionally!
· Be willing to hear constructive criticism. (yes, here I want you to listen to outside input, there can be valuable lessons to learn here that may just generate an opportunity for growth) The challenge here is to know how to differentiate the constructive from the destructive. Your mentor will help you learn how to decipher between the two. But in the meantime, you can start by asking yourself if what they are saying is true. Which again requires complete honesty with yourself.
· And finally, know when to instigate positive change and when to let outside input or notions go.
If you are ready to learn how to let go of your fear, your need for external validation and approval, your life coach and the life coaching services provided by Turning Leaves through Building Milestones and The Master Climb will get you there. It’s our specialty!!
Don’t stay put in your dissatisfaction. Learn how to take control, honor your internal voice, trust your intuition, and shine in your uniqueness.