Updated: Aug 15
A look at how the way you think about resolutions is causing you to come up short.
Right about now you are looking at how you “functioned” in your life over the past 12 months. Right? Or, at the very least you are telling yourself that is what you ought to be doing right now so that you can do or be better in 2020!
Here’s the problem(s) I see… most people come up with their needed “corrections” from a place of self-judgement versus thorough effective investigation. This is at no fault of their own, really. Why would someone know how to truly evaluate their personal state of functioning? It’s a pretty intricate process that, sure, has been made to seem simple with all the online personality tests and so on. But do those tools really look at what the root cause of poor functioning in your daily life looks like? My answer to this question is NO.
On a personal note, I too thought that self-diagnostic tools would help me understand why I was the way I was. What I discovered however, time after time was that these online tests and quizzes didn’t have the magnifying glass to identify how my specific years of trauma had affected me. They were informative, sure, when it came to generalities, but they certainly did not account for my unique perspectives as an individual person. I mean come on, how could they? They would have to know what life was like for me at age 4, the terrible experiences I endured between 10 and 13, and then again between 19 & 24 to even begin to help me understand why I saw things through the lens I had chosen.
The other situation I see far too often is that people don’t know themselves as well as they think they do. Why? Because to do so you have to be willing to look at the things that make you uncomfortable. In order to understand how you operate you have to be willing to break it all down. You have to know why you feel the way you do about things, why you hear things the way you do, why you say what you say the way you say it, and why you believe what you do, primarily about yourself and your immediate environment.
Then there are a couple steps I can honestly say nobody has ever come to me having tried or even considered. What I am referring to here is the identifications necessary to really see what is happening. The need to abandon reactivity, leave external controls, and become internally minded. All of which takes a tremendous amount of dedication and commitment to cultivate.
Now, (once all the above is thoroughly done) you can begin to develop the skills you need to create the changes that will effectively generate the lifestyle you have, year after year, been trying to instigate through superficial change after superficial change.
Set yourself up for satisfaction, don’t think that you will be able to decide today to be all the things you want to be by January 2nd, 2020, because you won’t be successful. Harsh I know, but true.
Conditioned behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, and so on require restructuring and reconditioning. You cannot undo 30+ years in 30 days and expect it to “stick”. Now it won’t take another 30+ years to correct, but it will take a significant amount of time. How long is determined by each individual, but generally I say give yourself a solid year of complete dedication before thinking any change is strong enough to function effectively on its own.
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