One of the best things that I have learned how to do in my own recovery is to observe myself rather objectively. This isn't to say that I have 100% objectivity, however, it means that's the goal. If I am to make decisions in my life that serve me, my recovery, objective observation becomes a terrific asset.
What is a self-objective observation you ask? Great question thanks for asking! Basically what I'm referring to with the concept of objective observation of self is this: How well are you able to continue moving through the uncomfortable because it's taking you where you want to go in your life? Do you often begin something only to stop? What would happen if you had the objectivity or the Birdseye view of yourself to see that you were just uncomfortable? That you truly did want to continue reaching your desired goal, your destination but you were feeling perhaps a little self-doubt. Instead of stopping, what if you observed yourself, and were able to continue moving forward?
Look back to the past, just long enough to see what patterns have emerged. This might look like goals dreams and aspirations that you really were inspired and enthusiastic about at one time, but for whatever reason, these dreams and goals and aspirations were never realized. Although we don't want to live in our past, we want to learn from it, identify our weaknesses, and learn how to do it better going forward. I was so tired of all of these great ideas that inspired me that I was truly passionate about, but for some reason, I was unable to continue moving forward. I was never able to realize my dreams because I always believed that I should feel 100% motivated at all times to reach my goal, as I was in the beginning. This is however really not accurate of how our minds work. We can talk ourselves out of or into a lot of things in our lives. Or at least I did, and for the sake of this little blog, I'm talking about myself. If like me, you too have seen in your reflection of your past, a lack of completion, a return to unhealthy habits that you had once been inspired to change, and a lot of unrealized personal goals, this gift of objective observation of self has the potential to change that.
It is easy to stay motivated when we are feeling inspired, confident, and motivated. However, it is an unrealistic view or thought to think that this is maintainable and sustainable throughout whatever goal I am reaching. This is where I started to see so many incomplete processes in my own life in my own path to fulfillment. What I realized was that it wasn't that my goal was no longer important to me, just because I became doubtful, or insecure, or uncomfortable it was that I was human. That's right, human. It was not until I recognized the importance of objective self-observation and how it could propel me forward, that I began to ultimately complete whatever it was I was aiming for. Fear is something that I speak a lot about with my clients because it is often misunderstood. Fear kept me from beginning the process of recovery.
Recovery means something different to everybody and it's very unique and personal. Recovery does not look like only addiction; recovery can be as simple as changing an unhealthy behavior pattern of thinking in your life. Recovery is change. Scary sometimes right? But I know this, that fear and uncertainty both go along with growth and I don't have to stop. I do not have to retreat, I can continue moving forward, and ultimately reach any goal or aspiration I set my mind to. Self-objective observation allows me to recognize what is driving my fear, how to identify accurately where it's coming from, and ultimately it allows me to move through it. Now of course it ties into my default setting, and if you don't know your default settings you will learn them. Just because you feel uncertain or scared, does it mean that your goal is no longer worthwhile? No.
There are times when I need to override my own default setting, however, I cannot do this if I don't recognize that it is my default setting. Make sense? How do you solve a problem that you do not even know exist within? Well, you don't. Have you ever sold deflated? Have you ever wondered where your momentum went where your motivation went and why you don't have success in finishing projects? Or perhaps you have started exercising, but laser motivation? What if you recognize this as a natural normal fluctuation in you and yourself rather than something that dictated whether or not you continued to reach whatever goals you set for yourself. So, if that was me, I would look at that and break it down into its simplest form. I would recognize that it wasn't so much that the goal was bad or wrong or not important to me, but that I needed to objectively observe myself, and this allows me to continue moving in the right direction. My life began to look different, my own ability to objectively observe myself allowed me to build trust from within myself. Doubt Is something that we all experience, even regarding things that we're passionate about, things that are important to us. If we know this, we can recognize when it’s happing inside us and continue.
So, the concept that I'm talking about or writing about, is not new. It is something that I have practiced enough, that it has become muscle memory. What does that mean? It means that it's becoming a habit, a healthy habit. What it means for me is fulfillment.
Growth comes when we can move through the uncomfortable and the level of self-observation necessary to insight lasting change can be difficult to set into motion. You don’t have to start the journey alone. Just reach out, I’m always open for consultation. Or you can join a Learn to Live Free program and we can take the journey together.
~Bethany Hahlbeck, IMAC, NCPLC, NCFRC, NCRPS