Updated: May 26
Everybody has something that they are attached to that impacts them negatively on some level.
Seriously, let’s look at the range and see where you can identify.
Some people are diligent about clutter, but to what degree? Others are truly uncomfortable with down or idle time and have to seek activities to fill their calendars constantly. Why? And the ever-present person who always says yes to everybody no matter how it will strain their day.
Then there is a category of individuals who continually fill their shopping cart with 20 items not on the list they set out for. Those that have the inability to leave the box of brownies alone. And the constant effort to receive relief from a pill or a bottle.
Let’s not forget the group of people that just can’t let go of the negative and self-defeating internal dialogue and isolating behavior.
So, let’s talk about how you can leave them all behind.
For those of you who just can’t relax at the end of the day, you know who you are, you have worked all day, interacted with your family, made and ate dinner, and now you have to dust, vacuum, do laundry and the dishes, perhaps even do a few errands to feel productive.
Anything quite frankly that will keep you from sitting still and being quiet with the thoughts in your head. Only problem here is that the minute you lay your head down to sleep the mental reels kick in filled with “don’t forget X”, “I should have done Y” or even the replaying of conversations so you can critique how they went and beat yourself up for not saying what you wanted or how you wanted.
The fix for this can be as simple as dissecting your daily routine, creating a better guideline, develop a household system, and or letting some things become weekly activities instead of daily busy work. But the real work is in finding out why you are the way you are and implementing the processes that will relieve the situation. For example, if you feel like if you don’t take care of everything all the time you won’t be fulfilling your “role”, you have adopted the thought process that you are defined by how much you do. Your value will diminish if you don’t. You might not even be as loved.
As for the reels that won’t shut off, they just need a little attention, to be acknowledged if you will, and given a place to rest until it is time to take care of them. Get a piece of paper, divide it into two categories. One column is for the reruns and rhetoric, the other for the don’t forgets. This way you don’t have to think about them, they will be waiting for you in the morning. Now what you do with the two sides the next day is up to you. I say the rhetoric gets ripped off and put in the trash and the remember to take care of become a to do list for prioritization.
I’m sure you are thinking, but what about those other things I do, the calendar stuffing, impulse shopping, binge eating, self-medicating, and so on. What do I do about these things?
Here are 5 tips to get you started:
• Start you day with the intention of doing what works and being effective.
• Make a timeline for the day starting with blocked time for you. (your time for coffee, shower, stretching, exercise, reading, learning, etc) then add in work, household needs, and prioritize the rest focusing on the top 3 only. The rest can go into a future day. And anything new can legitimately be rolled into another day, because you schedule has been created and you value your time.
• Pause before you; go into a store know what you are there for, before you put the container of brownies in your basket or grab an extra bottle of wine for your secret stash.
• Think about the appropriate response to the above that will have you ending your day free from negative, self-defeating thoughts or even guilt.
• Always ask yourself “Is this impulsive? Am I being reactive?” “why do I feel the need for this right now?”
Look, if you are determined to do what needs to happen in order to correct an issue, it can be done.
The tricky part is learning how to implement effective systems that won’t leave you feeling deprived, limited, restricted, punished, or unfulfilled. This is where the emotional thinking process needs restructuring and conditioning.
If you need support or direction, let me know. I have figured it out already and have the system to follow to change your life.