The beginning of a new year prompts a special drive in people that I always find fascinating. I myself have turned some significant corners at the opening of a year. Reflecting on this during a time that for me is filled with intention and a focus on balancing life out reminded me of where today’s passion started for me.
I discovered the Locus of Control Theory while I was obtaining my BS in Psychology where my studies were focused on process, behavioral, and chemical addiction, along with the evidence-based treatment modalities.
Now, you should also know that my educational journey in this focus held a significant purpose for me. In 2012 I found myself trapped in a physiological addiction I did not understand and could not stop alone for several reasons. I sought assistance through a medically supervised detoxification and engaged in a roughly 45-day treatment program.
During this 5 1/2-year psychological journey with myself, I discovered that there was this driving force, a force that was overwhelming, scary, frustrating, irritating, devastating, and very much anxiety-inducing that very consistently derailed any coping mechanisms, left me feeling out of control. This force drove me to negative reactivity, to cover up the uncomfortable, hide from the unbearable, elevate my demeanor, give me a bravado that would push me through, even calm me enough to just breathe.
This my friend was my external locus of control. That drive that said, ‘bad things always happen to me’, ‘the world is scary’, ‘people are cruel’, ‘you can do better’, ‘you can be better’, ‘they don’t like me’, ‘they think I’m stupid’, ‘they are out to get me’, ‘everyone leaves me’. (this list could literally go on for hours)
So, naturally, when I came to learn about the locus of control theory, I could see the truth. I was primarily residing in an external locus of control position which prompted a passion inside of me to ease the longing for relief. I desperately wanted to move into and operate from the internal drive, one where I could be the driver and no longer be manipulated by my skewed perception or negative interpretations of the people, places, and things that happened around me. I saw that there were so many that needed to drop the concept that everything was happening to them.
In a nutshell, people struggling with addiction or who are being held hostage by their habits and negative attachments need to understand that they get to choose how they experience their environment.
They get to choose how they respond to the situations as they unfold.
And they get to choose how they see themselves functioning in their life.
This is called Emotional Intelligence. Please, don’t get me wrong! Taking control of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions, and beliefs did not come simply because I learned this particular theory! It was absolutely one of the most significant lessons I have learned in life.
But I had to dig in and compile a gamete of skillsets and tactics that would generate the strength and capability necessary to make living through my internal drive a lifelong manageable and maintaining attainment!
Here is the outline of what ultimately cultivated the emotional intelligence, the impulse control, the distress tolerance, and the emotion regulation I live by every day with joy, peace, and calm:
1. I spend time knowing what feeds my needs socially, spiritually, emotionally, environmentally (people places things), physically, and intellectually.
2. I am always an active participant in improving and refining the balance in my life which for me involves 8 core categories.
3. I make sure to mind my mindset so that it rests in the intuitive position, this affords me the ability to get centered and grounded at any moment thereby able to ignite any tool necessary that keeps me out of reactivity and in a responsive state of being.
4. I work at evaluating my stance in all situations because I know to keep myself in my internal drive I must remain in the stance of a learner as the stance of a judger makes me rigid and prompts my external drive.
5. I use a powerful filtration system that allows me to hear, see, and experience my environment the way that works for me which in turn affords effective limits and limitations in all I do.
6. I am continuously developing the capacity to move into resolution through the cultivation of assertiveness and the power of utilizing inquiry.
7. I am able to control my moments and lean on appropriate self-soothing tactics to improve my experiences.
8. I have created an imaginary shelving system with a special trash can that offers me the capability to leave the pain behind, lead with a new lens, identify and describe the emotions and store the pertinent content that offers value for future events.
9. I work diligently of being effective and doing what works and the way that I know to work is to condition new effective behaviors I acknowledge them and myself focusing on what works as opposed to the negative side. If it isn’t working, I throw it away.
From there I always say, “It’s time to shine!”
So, what will you do to create your balanced life filled with intention, peace, and calm?
I’ve given you the foundation, what I know, is proven to be effective, and what will afford you the ability to be purposeful in all you do – not to mention release you from the externally driven habits and addictions troubling you! Will you dive in, observe yourself, make adjustments to fit your life, and implement them?
I have a unique system that will help you take everything I have shared here and make it your own. I call it Add, Edit, Delete. Have a chat with me and I WILL share exactly how you can do this so that you can incorporate all that you’ve learned here today, make it your own, and make it effective in your life. I invite you to shoot me a message and request access I promise you don’t want to miss it!
Be Well!