Updated: Jan 17, 2020
I have been in a lot of “places” in my lifetime. I have been up, down, and scattered. Believe me, it wasn’t a small feat getting where I am today.
I celebrate every day that I have an adoring husband, achieving children, thriving grandchildren, supportive family members, and a solid business that I am passionate about.
So much so that I am often faced with the need to share my story of how I arrived here because the down and scattered is no longer obvious and the people coming through my door don’t see how I could possibly relate to their level of dismay.
Which brings me to another success story. My ability to see and share my past without any negative emotional repercussions. Something that I know firsthand is difficult to accomplish. Yet anyone with a past filled with distressing situations aspires to achieve.
In fact, the day that I noticed that I could share my story without emotional reactivity was one of the most exciting days ever. It was the day I knew without doubt that I am a champion.
You see I had spent many years trying to numb out and avoid looking at the things I had endured between the ages of 4 and 26. The molestation, rapes, sexual assaults, domestic violence, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, traumatic deaths, biological parent deceit and abandonment were all bundled up in a giant gut wrenching package sealed off from access. I only looked at the positive things (my intellect, athletic abilities, being a mother, and my ability to provide and protect) and numbed out the rest; that is until something prompted a trauma response and then I would lose all control.
What I have learned since is that numbing out and avoiding only took away my ability to celebrate just how strong I am. I am a survivor, a champion, a victor. Not one of those events that I endured broke me. I achieved time and time again despite them. I was not defined by them or my ability to hide them.
I am the woman I am today because of my experiences. As crazy as that all may sound.
How did I do it? I changed my approach to living!
I realized that it all was a choice. Those things that I did not like about myself, others, or the world were all things that I chose not to like. I changed my perceptions, my interpretations, and my presumptions. I stopped taking things on that were not for me to judge or fix. I dropped the habit of defining myself through other people’s thoughts of me and needs from me. I learned how to be an effective listener and how to be heard effectively. And I came to own the reality that living for myself first was not an act of selfishness, it is a gift to myself and equally to those that I love.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like a lot of things, the difference is I know what I have the power to change. I have empathy and compassion for those that are faced with the evils in the world. I do my part toward instigating social change in the hopes to reduce the amount of wrongdoing that happens every day.
I live free and out loud every single day genuinely and authentically to the best of my ability. Yet I am still human, I still feel, I still hurt, I just know how to sit in and move through the uncomfortable without loosing control, without relying on any artificially soothing tactics.
You can too! Learn to Live Free. (805) 710-2513